I have neglected this blog for over a year now, but this morning, I
decided I just had to write. For those who know me, and for those who
don't please understand that I have a tendency to ramble...Forgive me,
because I imagine this blog post will do a lot of that. In the end
though, I hope you understand everything I am trying to say.
I
woke up this morning, after finally get a full night's sleep after the
horrific ordeal that my city has gone through over the past couple
days...(For those of you who are unaware, the brief synopsis is. 24
year old gunman, terrorizes neighbourhoods, leaves three RCMP officers
dead, two injured, leaving the City of Moncton under lockdown for
almost 30 hours, before he was finally caught in the middle of the night
in the backyard of a home) I have to be honest...After my rise and
shine this morning, things just weren't the same. I looked around my
somewhat cluttered home and the dishes on the counter(the dishwasher
needed to be emptied and repacked), but I was able to look past them.
Having the perfect home isn't really what should be important. It's
those two young kids and my supportive husband #JasonBullerwell and all
of my family and friends (too many to be named) who support me every
single day of my life.
It's not everyday that I spill
my guts and express my feelings, I'm kind of a closed door kind of
gal...keeping it all bottled up until I figure, someday I'll just burst
open and let it all out. I shed tears in private....on occasion they
come through, but I'm that person who wants to be big and strong and has
somewhat numbed myself to all of the things that go on around us
everyday. I work in the news business and we've been forced to do that,
otherwise we'd all probably be blubbering idiots everyday trying to
write, read and report on the shootings, death and destruction in the
world. Someone has to do it, and unfortunately sometimes we seem like
heartless individuals doing it. I do make sure that I kiss and hug my
kids and my hubby everyday, and tell them "I love them" on a daily
basis.
I have two young children, a daughter who is 9
and kind of understands what has happened the past couple of days, while
the other, my son, who is 6, doesn't seem to get it at all. My
daughter said this morning, "Mommy, I think the parents of the bad man
would be very disappointed in him," which I suppose it a sign that I
have raised her well? She didn't quite grasp that this man was walking
through backyards of homes where people lived and were hiding inside.
My
son, well, it has been difficult explaining everything, but I think he
gets the fact that people are sad. We took them downtown today to lay
flowers on the steps at the RCMP Headquarters. We ran into my co-worker
Jeannie and her son Kenny. They had also just come from the steps at
RCMP Headquarters, and they gave us their chalk to write thank you on
the ground.
I
have been in the news business now for (let me show my age now) 18
years..and this by far was the worst thing I have ever covered and also
hit so close to home. I do not live in the area that was locked down,
but close enough that I could see the police cruisers, from my front
window. I could hear the helicopters and planes at night. Close enough
that when I came home from working on Thursday night until midnight, I
pulled into my driveway and was afraid to get out in the dark...and I
took several looks around outside as I rushed to the front door. I do
not have a fear of the dark, but this ordeal brought back a fear of the
dark, that I haven't had since I was a child. I can't imagine what
those families were feeling locked inside their homes...and how to
explain this to the children who witnessed this firsthand? I don't know
how they did it. Many of my neighbours, I think, left the city, as
driveways were empty...even though they weren't in the lockdown area
either. Some I imagine because of terrified children, others just
because they felt they needed to.
My neighbour and friend, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy during this
whole ordeal. It's the miraculous things like that, that remind us, as
this horrible ordeal was ongoing, while at the same time there are
beautiful things as well, that make us smile. When we're overwhelmed
with the bad things going on around us, that is the kind of event that
makes us realise that there is hope in the world...
I
worked throughout most of the almost 30 hour ordeal, getting sleep in
here and there, but I want to also express my gratitude to all of my
co-workers, who also put forth their best....ensuring that we best kept
the listeners informed, and also assisted the RCMP in getting out the
information they need to keep the people safe. We were
strong.....supported each other, and really worked as a TEAM, made best
of the resources we had..... In the end, it didn't matter how tired we
were, we saw it through #JasonChevrier #TroyMerrick #JeannieMacGillivray
#AllanDearing #TheresaBarbour (who quickly alerted me on Wednesday
night in the beginning of this incident) #AndrewCromwell
#AlisonClements (You quickly learn that sleep isn't that important
when you are dealing with this type of ordeal. )
My
family and I left Ontario almost 9 years ago to move to Moncton. I grew
up in Brampton, Ontario, which is a very different place as compared to
when I lived there, but we made the choice to leave because we wanted
to raise our family in a place in the East, where there is less crime,
and more calm. This tragic event is proof that this kind of thing can
happen anywhere, no matter where you live. But that doesn't mean we
have to feel unsafe in our communities. If there is anyone reading this
in Moncton who is thinking about leaving because of this terrible
event, I ask you to reconsider. No matter where you go, these types of
things are happening everywhere. We need to overcome, and we need to
stay strong. #Monctonstrong
I worry everyday about the
little things.....who doesn't? What people
think of me, whether people like me or not, always trying to ensure that
I'm liked.....But why is this so important to us? Events like this
make me realise, who really cares? Does
it really matter if not everyone likes you? It's important to think
about the ones that do..the ones that give me the time everyday, to
support me, and who love me..The number of note and concern that I
received on Facebook from family and friends in other provinces was
incredible, asking if I was alright...Those are the ones who are
important.
But no matter how this affected me, it is
the RCMP we have to thank. They lost three of their own, and two
others were injured. Constable Dave Ross, Constable. Fabrice Georges Gevaudan and Constable Douglas James Larche taken from us. Constable Darlene Goguen and Constable Eric Dubois injured. They worked through, they kept going even after losing
their family members on the very first night when this all began. But
still they knew that they had to protect the others in the community
that they serve...the City of Moncton. They had no choice but to keep
going, but not because they had to...but because they wanted to.. They
were thinking of all of US....thinking about how they needed to keep us
safe.... We may now mourn for those fallen officers, but know that they
did this to protect all of us...and for that we should be very proud,
and most of all, THANKFUL. I've seen the reports, and some criticize
that maybe they weren't prepared to respond, and more should have been
done...but I think they did a great job...In my opinion, how can you
ever really be prepared for something like this? Whether you are RCMP,
paramedic, firefighter, military, whatever(my apologies to anyone I
have missed), no one WANTS to have to deal with this kind of tragic
event.. We all do our best to be ready for any event..but in the end,
we are never really, truly prepared to deal with these kinds of
things....emotionally or professionally?..We just do the best we can,
and the RCMP did just that...In the end, they got the suspect, and there
were no more lives lost....And hopefully, we won't have to deal with
this type of ordeal in our city ever again..
 |
| Courtesy of NB RCMP |
Now
we take the time to mourn, and move on..We can't let this break us....I
haven't been in Moncton for a lifetime, as many others have.. I have
been here 9 years, and I love it here.It is my home, my family loves it
here. It is a wonderful place to raise a family, and my family IS safe,
despite this recent ordeal. We are very fortunate, we do not have the
same problems with crime as other communities do.....Yes, we deal with
murder, robberies, drugs, etc....but what community doesn't...But that
isn't what our city is about..and we have to focus on the positive,
despite how hard it may be, especially now.
Please
support each other, please cry if you need to....please hug your kids,
family and friends, and co-workers.....Hug your neighbours,
acquaintances, whoever.....Please love each day.....Raise your kids
well, do the best you can....Value each day......Yes, sometimes we all
get grumpy, but do your best to smile at least once each day....And take
some time to remember....We are all very busy people.....but take a
moment today, to ignore the messy house, the dishes on the counter, the
clothes that need to be washed.....and remember..the important things in
life..
Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
 |
| Courtesy of NB RCMP |
