I have neglected this blog for over a year now, but this morning, I decided I just had to write. For those who know me, and for those who don't please understand that I have a tendency to ramble...Forgive me, because I imagine this blog post will do a lot of that. In the end though, I hope you understand everything I am trying to say.
I woke up this morning, after finally get a full night's sleep after the horrific ordeal that my city has gone through over the past couple days...(For those of you who are unaware, the brief synopsis is. 24 year old gunman, terrorizes neighbourhoods, leaves three RCMP officers dead, two injured, leaving the City of Moncton under lockdown for almost 30 hours, before he was finally caught in the middle of the night in the backyard of a home) I have to be honest...After my rise and shine this morning, things just weren't the same. I looked around my somewhat cluttered home and the dishes on the counter(the dishwasher needed to be emptied and repacked), but I was able to look past them. Having the perfect home isn't really what should be important. It's those two young kids and my supportive husband #JasonBullerwell and all of my family and friends (too many to be named) who support me every single day of my life.
It's not everyday that I spill my guts and express my feelings, I'm kind of a closed door kind of gal...keeping it all bottled up until I figure, someday I'll just burst open and let it all out. I shed tears in private....on occasion they come through, but I'm that person who wants to be big and strong and has somewhat numbed myself to all of the things that go on around us everyday. I work in the news business and we've been forced to do that, otherwise we'd all probably be blubbering idiots everyday trying to write, read and report on the shootings, death and destruction in the world. Someone has to do it, and unfortunately sometimes we seem like heartless individuals doing it. I do make sure that I kiss and hug my kids and my hubby everyday, and tell them "I love them" on a daily basis.
I have two young children, a daughter who is 9 and kind of understands what has happened the past couple of days, while the other, my son, who is 6, doesn't seem to get it at all. My daughter said this morning, "Mommy, I think the parents of the bad man would be very disappointed in him," which I suppose it a sign that I have raised her well? She didn't quite grasp that this man was walking through backyards of homes where people lived and were hiding inside.
My son, well, it has been difficult explaining everything, but I think he gets the fact that people are sad. We took them downtown today to lay flowers on the steps at the RCMP Headquarters. We ran into my co-worker Jeannie and her son Kenny. They had also just come from the steps at RCMP Headquarters, and they gave us their chalk to write thank you on the ground.
I have been in the news business now for (let me show my age now) 18 years..and this by far was the worst thing I have ever covered and also hit so close to home. I do not live in the area that was locked down, but close enough that I could see the police cruisers, from my front window. I could hear the helicopters and planes at night. Close enough that when I came home from working on Thursday night until midnight, I pulled into my driveway and was afraid to get out in the dark...and I took several looks around outside as I rushed to the front door. I do not have a fear of the dark, but this ordeal brought back a fear of the dark, that I haven't had since I was a child. I can't imagine what those families were feeling locked inside their homes...and how to explain this to the children who witnessed this firsthand? I don't know how they did it. Many of my neighbours, I think, left the city, as driveways were empty...even though they weren't in the lockdown area either. Some I imagine because of terrified children, others just because they felt they needed to.
My neighbour and friend, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy during this whole ordeal. It's the miraculous things like that, that remind us, as this horrible ordeal was ongoing, while at the same time there are beautiful things as well, that make us smile. When we're overwhelmed with the bad things going on around us, that is the kind of event that makes us realise that there is hope in the world...
I worked throughout most of the almost 30 hour ordeal, getting sleep in here and there, but I want to also express my gratitude to all of my co-workers, who also put forth their best....ensuring that we best kept the listeners informed, and also assisted the RCMP in getting out the information they need to keep the people safe. We were strong.....supported each other, and really worked as a TEAM, made best of the resources we had..... In the end, it didn't matter how tired we were, we saw it through #JasonChevrier #TroyMerrick #JeannieMacGillivray #AllanDearing #TheresaBarbour (who quickly alerted me on Wednesday night in the beginning of this incident) #AndrewCromwell #AlisonClements (You quickly learn that sleep isn't that important when you are dealing with this type of ordeal. )
My family and I left Ontario almost 9 years ago to move to Moncton. I grew up in Brampton, Ontario, which is a very different place as compared to when I lived there, but we made the choice to leave because we wanted to raise our family in a place in the East, where there is less crime, and more calm. This tragic event is proof that this kind of thing can happen anywhere, no matter where you live. But that doesn't mean we have to feel unsafe in our communities. If there is anyone reading this in Moncton who is thinking about leaving because of this terrible event, I ask you to reconsider. No matter where you go, these types of things are happening everywhere. We need to overcome, and we need to stay strong. #Monctonstrong
I worry everyday about the little things.....who doesn't? What people think of me, whether people like me or not, always trying to ensure that I'm liked.....But why is this so important to us? Events like this make me realise, who really cares? Does it really matter if not everyone likes you? It's important to think about the ones that do..the ones that give me the time everyday, to support me, and who love me..The number of note and concern that I received on Facebook from family and friends in other provinces was incredible, asking if I was alright...Those are the ones who are important.
But no matter how this affected me, it is the RCMP we have to thank. They lost three of their own, and two others were injured. Constable Dave Ross, Constable. Fabrice Georges Gevaudan and Constable Douglas James Larche taken from us. Constable Darlene Goguen and Constable Eric Dubois injured. They worked through, they kept going even after losing their family members on the very first night when this all began. But still they knew that they had to protect the others in the community that they serve...the City of Moncton. They had no choice but to keep going, but not because they had to...but because they wanted to.. They were thinking of all of US....thinking about how they needed to keep us safe.... We may now mourn for those fallen officers, but know that they did this to protect all of us...and for that we should be very proud, and most of all, THANKFUL. I've seen the reports, and some criticize that maybe they weren't prepared to respond, and more should have been done...but I think they did a great job...In my opinion, how can you ever really be prepared for something like this? Whether you are RCMP, paramedic, firefighter, military, whatever(my apologies to anyone I have missed), no one WANTS to have to deal with this kind of tragic event.. We all do our best to be ready for any event..but in the end, we are never really, truly prepared to deal with these kinds of things....emotionally or professionally?..We just do the best we can, and the RCMP did just that...In the end, they got the suspect, and there were no more lives lost....And hopefully, we won't have to deal with this type of ordeal in our city ever again..
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| Courtesy of NB RCMP |
Now we take the time to mourn, and move on..We can't let this break us....I haven't been in Moncton for a lifetime, as many others have.. I have been here 9 years, and I love it here.It is my home, my family loves it here. It is a wonderful place to raise a family, and my family IS safe, despite this recent ordeal. We are very fortunate, we do not have the same problems with crime as other communities do.....Yes, we deal with murder, robberies, drugs, etc....but what community doesn't...But that isn't what our city is about..and we have to focus on the positive, despite how hard it may be, especially now.
Please support each other, please cry if you need to....please hug your kids, family and friends, and co-workers.....Hug your neighbours, acquaintances, whoever.....Please love each day.....Raise your kids well, do the best you can....Value each day......Yes, sometimes we all get grumpy, but do your best to smile at least once each day....And take some time to remember....We are all very busy people.....but take a moment today, to ignore the messy house, the dishes on the counter, the clothes that need to be washed.....and remember..the important things in life..
Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
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| Courtesy of NB RCMP |
